What happens at a bar mitzvah

Congratulations!

Bat mitzvah etiquette for gentiles

You have been invited to the bar or bat mitzvah of a friend or family member. Now what?

Knowing what to expect ahead of time will ensure that your experience is a comfortable and positive one. While this article focuses on what to wear and do — and some of the rituals you will see — we recommend you also consult our Guided Tour of the Synagogue and Highlights of Shabbat Morning Worship.

Keep in mind that services (and service lengths) vary widely from congregation to congregation, depending on a synagogue’s denomination (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform etc.), its leadership and its unique customs or traditions.

To learn more about the particular synagogue you will attend, you may want to consult its website or ask the bar/bat mitzvah host.

In addition, while the majority of bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies take place during Shabbat morning services and at synagogue, as described below, some are on Friday night or Saturday afternoon.

It is also increasingly common for families to host private bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies that take place outside synagogue.